Today I thought I would talk a little bit about something that has been a rather big part of my life lately and something very personal; anxiety and change.
Since I was little I remember being anxious. I wasn't a mess of a child sitting unable to play with friends and do normal everyday kid things, but when something unexpected happened in my life I remember freaking out inside while my friends on the other hand continued to laugh and play like it was NBD - which it usually was. This is how things have been for as long as I can remember. I over think things and tend to keep everything in my head.
This was an issue before I started college and since I have started it has been something more and more on the forefront of my mind. Something that in 2017 I aim to continue working on. I feel like since starting college my anxiety levels have gone up because I have this unforgiving fear of fucking up. This sprouts from simple things like managing my budget correctly - which I am still working on finding a way to do - to big things like picking a college major.
Before I walked into college I felt like I had everything figured out. I had the major I wanted to pursue, the school I was going to go to, and the job I aimed to get after I graduated. (I know some of you probably think I am crazy for having my future planned but this is just how my brain works.) So when things just didn't end up working out - for various reasons - I started freaking out. I began doubting if I will ever move to that city I had always wanted to live in - which now seems like an even harder dream to achieve, but I am still going to give it my all - and if I will ever find that major that fits my needs and passions.
I feel like the majority of my first semester has been me stressing about whether or not I have been making the right decisions, and I feel like because of this I have been missing out on some of the amazing opportunities that come along with being in college. But because of this and this realization I have been proactively searching for ways to handle my stress and anxiety better.
Something to also mention is that while I am a very anxious person and the majority of this anxiety stems from what the future will hold. I am also a person that strongly believes that everything happens for a reason. Which is rather ironic, I know.
Something to also mention is that while I am a very anxious person and the majority of this anxiety stems from what the future will hold. I am also a person that strongly believes that everything happens for a reason. Which is rather ironic, I know.
So what have I found?
Well for starters talking to my friends and family about my anxiety and where it's stemming from has really helped. I am a person that is pro at bottling things up inside to the point where I feel as though I am about to burst. So talking to them and seeing what there thoughts and opinions are, is really great for me and because of this I have learned I am not the only one worrying about these things. But while this is great I have also realized that too much of this can actually lead to me feeling even more overwhelmed and confused, which is never a good thing.
Secondly, journaling has really helped. Wether that's on my phone, on my laptop, or in an actual journal, jotting down my thoughts has been really helpful. It can be really nice not to have to worry about how someone will react to what I am saying but still be able to get every emotion I'm feeling out of my body. Plus, being able to look back at how I was feeling on a particular day and know that things will get better/have gotten better it always a nice thing to be able to do for myself.
Going to the gym has been another really big help. Every time I come back from the gym I feel less stressed and like I left my worries in the gym. This is because of what my best friend and I like to call the 'happy endorphins' kicking in after the gym. Lately this has been one of my favorite methods to help reduce my anxiety because it works at bettering both my mental and physical health so I feel even better and happier after finishing a good workout.
Lastly, I have been working on giving myself time away from thinking about the things that make me anxious or stressed. Whether this be a couple of hours or a couple of days doing activities that take my mind off my anxieties. I am learning to validate my need for time away from these big anxieties of mine. This not only gives me time to finally relax but also allows me to walk back into the situation with a less cluttered mind. Usually making it easier for me to figure out what was making me anxious about the situation in the first place and how to solve it.
If you're still reading this, thanks for sticking around on this rather long post and I would really love to know if any of you can relate to how I am feeling and if so what has helped you.
See you real soon.
- Jackie
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